For an album that evidently strains with every sinew towards grandiosity, A Hundred Million Suns sounds unfinished and made up on the spot on several occasions. To this end, I thought fuck it, if they're not going to put in the effort, neither am I. Below, therefore, are the notes that I prepared. Having listened to this shit fest in its entirety, I hope you'll forgive my laziness.

1) ' If There's a Rocket Tie Me To It'
Proggy keyboards for a minute, then the chimey guitar comes in. Then that voice. Edgy guitars - by which I mean they are using the same effects pedal as the Edge.

2) ' Crack the Shutters'
Piano ballad. Words just don't actually fit. It sounds like Lightbody made it up as he's going along. Then, of course, a knowingly huge chorus. 'It's been minutes, it's been days'. It seems like fucking weeks.

3) 'Take Back the City'
Acoustic guitars. Weird, weird vocal. Again made up as he goes along, the 'woah woah woahs' are frankly ludicrous. Oh my lord, the guitars are so over produced, the chorus sounds like Bon Jovi. That or the Pro Evo version of 'indie'.

4) ' Lifeboats'
More acoustic guitar. Seriously, how can someone that claims that SFA and Nirvana are major influences release music like this? It beggars belief. Quite cool treated strings actually. I think this is them grooving. Suffice to say, it's as groovy as a record that's been sandpapered. Or Keane.

5) ' The Golden Floor'
Handclaps in lieu of drums. This is them pushing the envelope. 'I'm a peasant'. You're not wrong.

6) 'Please Just Take These Photos From My Hands'
More overproduced guitars. Wow, serious FM rock.

7) ' Set Down Your Glass'
Gentle acoustics. It's not being nasty, but though you can't polish a turd, you get the feeling Lightbody's tuneless howl could make something really shiny really dull, shitty and tuneless.

8) ' The Planets Bend Between Us'
Guitars

9) ' Engines'
An overblown attempt at quirky

10) 'Disaster Button'
'Noone's getting out of here tonight.' It's certainly beginning to seem that way. Sounds like the Foo Fighters, which is the nearest yet he's got to Nirvana.

11) ' The Lightning Strike'
16 c#nting minutes. Aaaarrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Split into three songs - the first is really boring. I await the next two instalments with a mixture of baited breath and an inescapable sense of dread and clock watching, but without the baited breath. In fact I'm more worried that if these are to be my last breaths, I'm spending them listening to this.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhh. I hear horns. Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It's building to something, it's...no wait, that was my washing machine's spin cycle.

We're on to the second bit. It's really rubbish. Almost oriental in feel, like a particularly masculine Bangkok chick boy. Ooooh, more FM guitars.

We are so near the end. That sounds vaguely like a drum loop. The same chopped backing vocals that the album began with emerge. Christ, tell me I have listened to the whole album and haven't just imagined this whole sorry episode?

So there you have it. It's been an epic, over long, over produced and over rubbish journey. It's been emotional. Not that you'd know it from Gary Lightbody's voice, which conveys the same amount of emotion as Leslie Ash's face.