GASHLIGHT: REPUTATIONS REASSESSED; LAWSUITS PENDING

Finally, music will be rescued from mediocrity. The world's biggest behemoth of musical importance are poised to rock the world with a new single to blow us all away and put Northern England back on the map, and it's guaranteed to floor all who hear it into a state of mind awoken to the world of politics, famine, injustice, love, and the preservation of childhood innocence in a callous, hostile world.

That's right; the Kaiser Chiefs are back, and with Mark 'I produced Rudebox, yet have the audacity to think I'm the sh*t even though I should be gassed, but only once I've been beaten with a bag of spanners and have a trumpet stuck up my ring so that I am completely disfigured and I am made to acknowledge that I am hideous to look at / be in the same room as, and when I try and smell my own farts I will let off a horn stab right in my face and make my ears bleed like I have inflicted on so many people' Ronson in tow, they are poised to challenge your beliefs and change the musical landscape forever. I for one have been shocked to the core.

No-one could claim that fame had changed Ricky Wilson

The last time my mind was this open to the world's greater issues was....actually, it was about a month ago when Oasis threw out the musical curveball of 'Shock Of The Lightning', with those words that haunt my every life decision now; 'Love is a litany / A magical mystery'. Poignant, now, and a beautiful yet disturbing take on life and the whole gamut of its emotions. I for one have never felt so spiritually touched by music, and I thank God that I am alive now, witnessing what I think is possibly the most important event human kind has ever witnessed, nay the best thing that mankind has ever achieved.

'Shock Of The Lightning' aside, the new Kaiser Chiefs single surely contains the most profound poetry since Feeder claimed 'I've got a brand new car / Looks like a Jag - u - ar / It's got leather seats / And a CD player player player player player player'. I hear your pain, Grant, I really do. I don't actually have leather seats or a CD player player player in my car but I understand the anguish, the frustration, and the plight of trying to survive in this world by attempting to surround yourself with luxuries when you're stuck in Wales. These bold words speak to everyone. We'd all like leather seats - but we soldier on with life - until now, when our lives are given true purpose by the Kaiser Chiefs. Thank you.

So, in 'Never Miss A Beat', the Kaiser Chiefs embody the apathy felt by the youth of today, challenging our perceptions whilst sticking it to the man.
'What do you want for tea? / I want crisps.' Don't we all? Shouldn't that be our God-given right? 'What did you learn at school? / I didn't go / Why didn't you go to school? / I don't know.'

Philosophical yet precise, these words ring true in the ears of everyone on this planet. Why do we follow this path laid out for us by the 'people upstairs'? Should we feel affronted by these instructions we have to follow? I would trade everything to be a teenager now, so that I could listen to these lyrics and take heed - confront conformity and make a difference. It would make Malcolm X's importance pale into insignificance. This is the beginning of an uprising; a new beginning if you like.... And giving the children of today this empowerment through such a vicious lyrical bitchslap is such a shrewd choice; as Ricky so angelically / fat-ly depicts, children really 'never miss a beat beat beat', so indeed how can they fail?!

When the Kaiser Chiefs released the seminal debut album Employment, many of us, whilst overjoyed and tearful at the emotion conveyed in that collection of compositions, figured that it was most likely a one-off, a fluke. Then they hit us with 'Ruby' and it became clear that this was a band with a clear mission statement, and a message that would dare all listeners into questioning their way of life; this was no throw-away indie trite. Now it would appear that Mr Ronson has somehow heightened their voice, whilst managing to make this record sound exactly like every other terrace chant that they have ever output. Genius. We all suspected that through this union of the world's finest musical minds some of the greatest sounds ever heard would be produced; after all, this is the man who managed the almost impossible feat of bettering the Smiths, the Charlatans and Radiohead with karaoke singers. He couldn't better the Kaiser Chiefs though - even the formidable talent of Lily 'somehow I'm famous through my Dad even though he's a useless drain on society' Allen couldn't top them. Yet combining these two forces has exceeded all expectations; hearing 'Never Miss A Beat' is truly like staring deeply into your only child's tears and seeing a peaceful afterlife for them on the other side. Drink in the pending revolution.

Gashlight's views are its own, and do not necessarily represent the views of Flashlight Music. Though, in fairness, they quite often do.